I’ve frequently joked that I know that I’m Irish, but I didn’t know all my family were Murphy’s. My life is a comedy of errors and a daily sitcom, so when asked to write this article, I did my research on the web and covered over 20 sites. Horrifying as it may be, fact is funnier than fiction; my real-life office experiences are far superior to those I found, but I will let you be the judge. I will mix some of my famously funny office occurrences with ones I found on-line, and you have to guess, did it happen to me or hopefully someone else? Here for your pleasure are ten office moments guaranteed to make you laugh.
Obviously, Brother Murphy was with me if I was sitting at a bar after work one evening, unwinding with a glass of wine before facing the second part of my day: the family. Suddenly two different texts came through on my phone, one from my husband and one from my boss; the important information is I learned my husband had come into the city, so I replied to his text.
“Come to ______ bar, pretend you don’t know me, walk up to me and start flirting with me like a naughty playa, then buy me a drink!” I smirked when I hit the send button. What would my husband think?
He would come to laugh as everyone else in my office did the next day when they learned my boss had gotten the text and not my husband. Fortunately, my boss had a small sense of humor when he responded, “I’m not sure I do know this side of Ms. _____, and whatever game you’re playing, your husband is one lucky playa. I will see you in the morning. Good night.” Face/Palm
My boss thought it would make for one of the awesome office pranks that would make you laugh to share that text at the staff meeting as the opening slide of his PowerPoint Presentation.
You read it correctly, Potty, not Party. These awesome office pranks that will make you laugh should not be repeated, unless you too have a dark and twisted sense of humor. Uh-oh!
What kind of demented secretary puts sugar coated candy laxatives among all the other hard candy shelled holiday candy? My kind of demented secretary who must have been in on the joke with one of my Murphey relatives. I like a good practical joke as much as the next, but this one had me running to the Potty for 4 hours straight. My secretary was unaware of my previous abdominal surgeries and the various medicines I was required to take for regularity, and the laxatives were an overabundance of help that day. I did not love being the butt of that joke, “literally” not only that afternoon, but (no pun intended) for months on end. These kinds of Funniest moments from the office had my staff members “cracking” jokes all day.
Granny Murphy must have been behind this office moment guaranteed to make you laugh. Three pregnancies and weight loss surgery had severely damaged my Irish teeth, so when I made manager in corporate America, I opted for dentures. While I waited for my mouth to completely heal and to order my permanent ones, I wore temporary ones, that looked very real, were easy to wear, and easy to remove during moments of discomfort. Every morning after getting ready, they were the last things I put in my mouth, before heading to the car. Except for the morning I didn’t. I had been running late and had a huge presentation that morning; I made it all the way to work before I glanced in the mirror and realized something was horribly wrong. Thinking quickly, I went to the janitors closet and grabbed a facial mask. During my presentation, I told my audience, I was afraid I might have the flu and the mask was for their safety. I think my lisping and my husband interrupting the meeting to hand me my teeth might have given me away. The giggling was deafening.
Nobody expects funniest moments from the office until it happens, and you pray that it’s to someone else. With me and my lineage of Murphy’s, it never is.
It was a Wednesday afternoon, during one of our Phone sales weeks, and I was on the phone with one of my regular clients, getting ready to place their order. I leaned back in my Office Managers chair, confident, graceful, pleased to be catching up with this client. As I leaned a little too far back, laughing at something that was said, my rear-end slid off the end of the chair. The chair went rolling back into the glass window with a thunderous slam, my feet hit my desk, my head hit the floor, my staff came running to see their boss in this unflattering and unprofessional position,
“So, that will be two cases you would like to order?” I asked my client as if nothing had just happened. My entire staff busted out laughing. I sheepishly shrugged and shooed them away. The damn Murphy’s are everywhere.
As a freelance writer, I get assigned a variety of different writing jobs, I never wanted one to be an office moment guaranteed to make people laugh, especially over 150 simultaneously! One of my very first writing assignments was a HIPPA Training Manuel of the 10 Most Unhealthiest Organisms in the Workplace. I think you see where this is going. That day, 150 employees received a training manual about the 10 Most Unhealthiest Orgasms in the Workplace. The vote is still out on this.
If you don’t think you’ve embarrassed yourself enough at work, and given your co-workers enough office moments to make them laugh, then be sure to go out drinking with your colleagues and boss sometime after work; one of my Murphey relatives is bound to show up. If you were me, you decided that singing bad karaoke was a good idea. It wasn’t. For weeks on end my colleagues serenaded me with their own renditions of my performance of Divinyls “I Touch Myself”. Apparently, there’s video too.
“All of the sudden, buttons were flying at me, grazing my head!”
That poor man in the front row might never recover. My Aunt Murphey must have been playing awesome office pranks that will make you laugh, on the day I stood in front of an auditorium of co-educators presenting that day’s in-service agenda. I was wearing a button up over-shirt dress-casual, that apparently my well-endowment was not happily encased. Mid-sentence, it was like my entire shirt hiccupped as every button sprung off at once hitting my first row randomly. Fortunately, I was wearing an undershirt, and I was able to play it off by saying, “Well, seems the girls want to get to the in-service too. I apologize.”
The room good-natured laughed, but chalk that one up to another “You could have taken an eye out!” story.
My first-year teaching, I was an extremely naive 23-year-old Caucasian who had limited personal experience with African American females. I personally chose to teach in a lower socio-economic school because I was going to make a difference. I guarantee those students remember me at least, if not for being the best educator they ever had, at least I was the funniest. The second week of school, I notice this beautiful little black girl tapping her head and slowly pulling strands of her hair out. I was shocked. I walked over and whispered to see if she needed to go to the nurse. With her hair falling out, I thought she must have cancer or something. The little girl looked at me as if I had grown two heads and asked why. When I explained, she burst out laughing and explained to me the world of weave. It must have been my Black Irish Murphey’s having a go at me.
If you live anywhere in the South, you are familiar with many states 2 most common public enemies: the dreaded mosquito and the hated invisible gnat or no-see-um depending on where you live. These bugs feast on Southerners in the moist mornings and swampy evenings just when workers are out of doors. Theory has it that dryer sheets have some chemical that deters these pests. So, I grabbed a few sheets one day, wiped my arms and legs down, and tucked the dryer sheets in what I thought were discreet places until I got to work. However, by the time I had gotten to work, I had forgotten all about the dryer sheets and was focused on the 9:00 a.m staff meeting. I worked the entire day, including several meetings, a luncheon, and was sitting down to dinner with my family when my 6-year-old starting picking dryer sheets out of my collar and my waist band, my shoes, I’m sure everyone thought it was one of my funniest moments from the office… Nobody including a Murphy had said a word. I didn’t get bit though.
When I transferred from the world of Education to the Corporate world, the hardest habit for me to break was calling my coworkers little terms of endearment. For years, I had called my students pet names like: honey, sweetie, pumpkin, darling, etc. To a 12-17-year-old this is an emotional boost from a caring teacher; from a co-worker it’s a little odd, especially when they respond likewise with a sugar or cupcake, pointedly showing you your error as you both laugh. I reminded myself daily not to do this, but unavoidably the day happened that caused an office moment that had the entire office laughing and guaranteed to make you laugh. My boss spoke through the intercom system asking me for something, and I replied through the system,
“Right away, Sweetie.” His head looked around the corner of his doorway with a confused expression, and the office laughed once more at one of my many faux pas. Cursed Murphy’s!
Can you guess which stories are from my spectacularly silly life? At least, I’ve obtained a sense of humor from all of this. Still stuck? All of them! It’s true. In some way, each one of these horribly humorous office crack-ups happened to me. My memory jogged by other’s stories on the internet, I was able to recant my own mishaps. See, your life’s not so bad as the Life of Murphy.